Once upon a time I was a new mom and I worked a 8 to 5 job. I woke up every morning to put on cute clothes and send my child to daycare so I could go work all day 30 miles away from her at least. I missed so many firsts in the 2.5yrs that i did this, but I LOVED it. I loved the break during the drive to and from work. I loved how happy both of us were to see each other when I came home. Was I tired? Absolutely! Was my house a disaster? Most of the time! Did I miss my child all day long & worry like I never knew I could? 100%! I still loved it. I felt guilty for loving it, but honestly it made me a better mom I thought.
Fast forward to my oldest turning 2 and me being pregnant with daughter number 2.. Matt and I collectively decided I would quit my 8 to 5 job and stay at home with our children. I did not love the idea of being a stay at home mom, but I loved the idea of being a stay at home mom. Clear as mud? It was for me too! I had this idea that stay at home moms were lazy. Maybe not lazy but they lacked some serious motivation. I knew I would miss work because I am a person who enjoys interacting with other adults, but being a mom trumped that. I had no idea what I was in for….
Fast forward to present day.. 4years later! I had no idea how wrong I was about stay at home mothers. Being a stay at home mom requires some serious dedication! It requires patience, strength, motivation, love, guidance, nerves, forgiveness, medication & some days wine. It requires a whole lot more than that, but u get the point. I was wrong! Some days when Matt comes home I want to retreat to a quite place and curl up in the fetal position. Some days he comes home and the house is a wreck, dishes still aren’t washed, clothes are still in the hamper (or the floor🤫), supper hasn’t been cooked & we all look like a hot mess! When I worked a full time job as a parent if I had a day off my house would look amazing before he came home. Supper usually still wasn’t cooked but you can not win them all! I would wonder why if a mom was home all day long their house still looked like a tornado had come through it twice in one day. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why moms would say they were depressed from staying at home. I was completely blind to the life of a stay at home mom.
The past 4yrs have been some of the hardest years of my entire life. The depression those moms talk about is REAL. Those tornados come through a lot more than 2 times some days. There are days that I can not wait to open that bottle of wine. Sometimes I wonder if my head will explode If I have to answer ONE MORE questions or fix one more snack! Sometimes I wash the same load of clothes twice before they make it to the dryer where they sit much longer than anyone needs to know about 🤦♀️. I have ran the water for the dishes and remembered to do them days later more times than I care to admit. I have made decisions I am not sure I would have made prior to this stage of my life. Some days Matt comes home and I am simply all touched and talked out for the day. Some days are just hard! Staying home is mentally, physically and emotionally draining because it takes every ounce of you some days to make sure everyone is happy and alive at the end of the day.
Working full time was just as exhausting some days. I would be dragging when I came home & still had to keep a kid alive and happy all night long. It could feel like the cycle never ended. The dishes piled up & the laundry didn’t do itself, but I still felt accomplished at the end of most days. I knew that those hours I was at my 8 to 5 job I would be paid for and that money was needed. Even when I was exhausted I knew that I was also helpful to our family. I don’t say this to discount moms who work full time because I know how hard it is. I hear women debate all the time about which is harder, and it makes my skin crawl because they are both exhausting. It’s not the working or the staying home that is exhausting. It’s the parenting! Parenting takes work and that is exhausting. So many people want to make one harder than the other or one less important than the other, and In my opinion that is not possible. Some women love to work and for those women (like me) staying home is hard. The women who hate going to a 9 to 5 job probably LOVE staying at home. It’s totally okay for us as moms to feel this way. It is ok to not always be content with whatever decision put u where u are today. It is ok to be exhausted and not get everything done regardless of where u work (at home or away from home)!
I believe in the midst of all of the chaos that goes into raising tiny humans there are beautiful things to be found. Regardless of where you are during the day that moment you are rocking your baby to sleep and you look down at their peaceful expression you have found the beautiful. The moment your child comes to you and asks for love you are experiencing the beautiful. These moments may also happen while the rest of the house is in mass chaos mode but that doesn’t make them any less beautiful. It means we as moms have to try harder to see the beautiful. Working moms and stay at home moms really aren’t all that different. We both get to experience the beautiful even if it may be at different times of the day. We both have hard days and in our mind they are harder than anyone else in the world could possibly understand, but guess what, other moms do understand! When you teach a toddler a new word and you get to hear them speak it out loud you have found the beautiful. You find the beautiful moments in the sloppy kisses & sometimes even the tears!
Mamas, I know these moments are hard to find sometimes. I know at the end of some days it seems like u might not mentally make it through another one, but you will. I know that it can seem like whichever situation you are in is much harder than the opposite mama, but it’s not! We all go through really hard times, but at the end of the day we are all trying to do the same thing… raise good humans! We are all just trying to find the beautiful in the middle of a very chaotic life. If you are one of those people who doesn’t have an ounce of chaos in your life then this is not for you and I salute you! If you ever have spare time I would love to hear all about how u manage your life with zero chaos, but the majority of us moms out here have some serious chaos!
I hope you will try to find the beautiful in the life you are living. If that life is working a full time job then I commend you, and if it’s staying at home with the kids then I commend you as well. I hope you will think twice before you belittle a mom for her decision to stay home or work. Please know that from one mom to another I am praying for you to find the beautiful in the middle of whichever chaos you choose!
Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.
– Matt Walsh
Motherhood & Marriage 